When my mantra doesn't work...

I mentioned previously that my mantra is "I will NOT get discouraged, I will NOT get discouraged..." But yea. Lately, I'm finding myself getting frustrated and, well, awfully discouraged. I cringe a little every time I open my Gmail inbox, waiting for the next "thanks but no thanks" email. I'm not gonna lie; that's the main reason I put off sending out any more queries last week. I was afraid of more rejection. And not having any quality time to sit and write the WIP is also extremely frustrating. I know I need to MAKE time, and I'm worried that the rejection is going to start putting me off from writing in general. I don't think that could ever really happen, but let's be honest- I haven't written anything besides these quick blog posts in a good 2-3 weeks now. That's terrible.

I knew when I started this process that I'd be faced with rejection. A lot of it. But I guess no matter how much I thought I was prepared for it, getting so many NOs, right off the bat, totally stung.

I say "so many" like I've sent out 50 queries. Um, try 8. I'm still waiting on 2 more responses too.

I know part of this process is putting myself out there and growing a thick skin. I'm working on it. I still believe in In My Mind's Eye, and I still believe my WIP will be even better. It's just...I want other people to believe in my work too. Strangers, that is. It means everything.

I'm not trying to get all whiny here. Just trying to put how I've been feeling lately into words...and I might not be accomplishing that too well. Sigh.

Anyway, last night this blog post was in my Twitter feed about dealing with discouragement. I would like to thank whoever wrote it (it's not a blog I normally follow, but I will be now), give her a hug, make her some cookies, etc. Thank you for reminding me believe in myself. I am trying.

My favorite part of the blog post:
"...let me remind you that these feelings will pass; that the roadblocks keeping you from a good story or a better contract or simple recognition will be removed; that what works against you today won’t always triumph over you. In fact, you’ll one day look at the setbacks and challenges as minor irritants and be shocked that they once held power over you."

Happy thought for the day: coffee, coffee, coffee

all is quiet

Been quiet over here on the blog front for a while...guess that's because it's been quiet on the query front as well. And I've been pretty busy socially lately again- I don't have a single free weekend in May. This also means I haven't had a chance to sit and pound out more of my WIP, which, quite frankly, blows. I think about it all the time and make myself little notes constantly of these thoughts so I don't forget them, but actually sitting for a few hours to just WRITE hasn't happened in what feels like forever.

So, since I'm clearly not writing very much right now (frowny face), here's what's going on in my ever-so-exciting life:

*I've started working out again, slowly but surely. So far it's only been once a week, but I'm hoping to get it back up to 2 or 3 times. I always feel better when I'm working out, but it's just been out of my "routine" for so long now (yea, since October when I took my last ballet class) that it's hard to get back into the swing of it.

*My momma officially retired a couple weeks ago. That seems sooo strange to me. I mean, I'm so happy for her and I know she's going to LOVE being retired, but it's just weird for me to think I have parents at retirement age. We're taking her out on the town on the 21st to celebrate; dinner at the Chophouse downtown. NOM.

*This weekend is the big girly winery trip that we planned what feels like forever ago. I am SO EXCITED to get away with some of my nearest & dearest friends! I know we're going to have a blast...I just hope the weather cooperates. This has been the worst spring ever, and so far it's supposed to be about 62 degrees and rain all weekend. Boooooo.

*Speaking of girly events, tomorrow I'm hosting the TVD girly night at my house for the first time. We're missing a core person tomorrow though, and that makes me have a sad. Karyn will be there in spirit though, as she's dancing away at the Usher concert. Don't worry Karyn, we'll have a group *drink!* for ya too!

Welp, that's it for now. I'm off work on Friday (hooray!) so after I do some running around I'm reallllly hoping to sit down and have time in the afternoon to write & send out a few more submissions. At least one or the other will definitely happen.

the name of the game...

...is rejection. Sigh. I know, I know- I've barely scraped the surface of my querying process so far (only 8 sent), and I shouldn't expect anything to happen right away. That's not how this business works. But everyday I check my Gmail inbox just hoping, hoping, hoping for someone to answer a query with a "Hey, this sounds interesting. Let me see more." Maybe it'll happen. Maybe it won't. I have to be ready to accept the fact that In My Mind's Eye may end up a bust. And I'm trying to do that by throwing myself into my next novel- which I already feel has a lot of potential to be something really different. But, of course I'm going to think that, right?

I retweeted something from AdviceToWriters the other day- a list of 50 iconic authors who were repeatedly rejected. I'm not entirely sure if this made me feel better or worse, to be honest...I guess a little of both. It made me feel better to know that these crazy successful authors all started out just like me, with a dream to get their stories out there. But then, it made me feel a little worse because if their work was rejected, what kind of chance will I possibly ever have??

On the list:

Dr. Suess
Louisa May Alcott
Agatha Christie
Meg Cabot
Beatrix Potter
John Grisham
James Patterson
E.E. Cummings
Judy Blume (!)
Madeline L'Engle
J.K. Rowling
Stephen King

I was pretty shocked by some of those names. I guess it really does go to show how subjective the business is- all it takes is for one agent to connect with your work. Can you imagine being the agent that passed on J.K. Rowling or Stephen King?? But chances are, if the agent that rejected them had taken them on, they wouldn't have ended up as successful as they are.

Happy thought for the day:
Hanging out with dear old friends. :o)

the new WIP

As I sit and wait for a few more responses to the queries I sent out last week (and keep my mantra going in my head - "I will NOT get discouraged, I will NOT get discouraged"), I've been thinking a lot about my work-in-progress. Which, quite honestly, has not progressed very much lately, unfortunately. I need a good day to sit and write for a few hours. I was hoping to get to do that over my little mini-spring break, but sadly that just didn't happen.

But I have some pretty cool ideas for this one! I've already written a little teaser for it, which might actually turn into a query at some point. Of course, having only around 5000 words or so written, I'm clearly nowhere near the point of querying, but writing the teaser actually sort of helped me figure out where I want to go with it. Here's what I've written so far:

History cannot repeat itself.

Riley wouldn't let it. He won't let the girl he loves die by his own hand all over again.

The problem is, he doesn't know how to stop it. He's only remembering bits and pieces each night as he dreams. And the first time it happened was over fifty years ago.

Ella is no dummy; she knows something's been bothering Riley since the start of the school year. But she has no idea how big a risk she's taking as she tries to get closer to him. She can't help it. She's inexplicably drawn to him, and no matter how hard Riley tries to keep his distance, for her safety, he's drawn to her too.

Despite his best efforts, history might just repeat itself.

So there you have it. Obviously, I still have a lot of details to work out, a lot of how's and why's and when's, but every day I find myself thinking more and more about this one.

What do you think? Confused? Intrigued? Perhaps a bit of both??

Today's thing that makes me happy:
Cozumel's cheese dip (NOM! And yes, I'm aware that many of my happy things are food-related...)

home is where my heart is

I tweeted earlier today that I would be completely content being a hermit. While that may not be entirely true- I do require some social activities from time to time-I'm seriously extremely happy to sit at home. I never really run out of things to do. And if I were home more often, just thing of all the new hobbies I could try out! I've always wanted to bake more, cook nice dinners for Dan all the time (provided I learn to cook a little better), learn to knit (think of all the outfits I could make for the cats!!), read my neverending stack of books, and of course, have endless time to write. Point being: if I win the lottery, you can bet I'd never be one of those people who keep working because they'd get so bored otherwise. Not this chick.

Today is the last day of my little mini-spring break that I was so looking forward to. Tomorrow it'll be back to reality. I just hope this week is a little less stressful and crazy than the past few weeks have been.

Today's thing that makes me happy:

The chicken parmesan I'll be making for us for dinner tonight. NOM.

and now...

...I wait.

And try not to compulsively check my Gmail account every five minutes. Right.

I sent out five submissions this morning. My hands were literally shaking as I typed out the first email, checking and doublechecking to make sure I was sending everything the agent asked for. I was paying so much attention to the information I was sending that I actually forgot to end it with my name and contact info.

Whoops. Guess I can probably cross that agent off my list. And that sucks, cuz she was one of my favorites. I did immediately resend it with all the info, but pretty sure the damage had been done. Frowny face.

But, there are plenty of other agents left on my list, and tons more out there that I still haven't even researched and added to it. I really do want to wait to see what kind of responses I get before I send any more, but I have a feeling I might send like three more after this weekend just to get a few more out there.

A shout out to my new followers- thanks for clicking that "follow" button! If you're reading this and still haven't clicked it, please do so! It only takes a second and I promise you won't get any crazy spam or anything.

Today's Thing That Makes Me Happy:

It's Thursday, I'm not at work, I'm surrounded by cats on the couch right now, and later it's TVD time at Karyn's. Life doesn't get much better!

butterflies

Tomorrow, kids. Tomorrow is the day. The first day of the rest of my life.

Well, hopefully, anyway.

Tomorrow is submission day! I'm off work, so I plan on sending out 3-5 queries. I have my favorite agents picked out for the most part, so I'll start with them. These are agents I feel a connection with through their blogs or the other authors they represent, so it would be a dream come true to have them represent me. And I'm starting small- like I said, only sending out 5 at the most. A lot of agents recommend this- that way, you can tell if your query is "working". If I keep getting rejection after rejection, my query needs to be revised. If I get some requests for partials or fulls, but then still end up getting rejected, it could be the story itself that isn't working.

I'm very nervous to finally start this process, to put myself out there for reals. It's a scary feeling! But also an exciting one. You never know what could happen, right? All it takes is for one agent to connect with my story, or to at least think it has potential.

After I send out the queries I'm going to do my best to stay busy tomorrow, so as to not check my email every 5 minutes hoping for a response. I know it's going to take a while- anywhere from 2 to weeks to 2 months. So there's no point in frantically signing into Gmail every hour. Even though I'm pretty sure I will anyway. But since I'm off, I plan on doing a bit of spring cleaning to take my mind off everything. Is it sad that I'm actually looking forward to cleaning out my closets? I love purging stuff. Makes room for new stuff. ;o) And then, of course, it's VV night at Karyn's. So I should be able to stay sufficiently occupied for most of the day.

I also wanted to take a second to say thanks for reading my blog! The more followers I have, the better I'll look to an agent. Like, ooh, people already like to read her stuff! It means a lot to me that you guys take a few minutes to read my ramblings!

Today's thing that makes me happy: DAYS OFF WORK. Here's to my mini spring break!