TEABS!

The title of this blog is completely stolen from my favorite website, Forever Young Adult. It means The End of an Awesome Book Syndrome. The main symptom I experienced yesterday (and there are several, you'll have to go to their website for the full definition) was "After finishing the final sentence, you stare at the last page for at least two minutes. An irregular heartbeat and shortness of breath are common side effects during this stage."

I experienced this not once, but twice yesterday. First, when I finished The Hunger Games at lunchtime. I know some of you have already read it, but holy crap, you guys. Must. Read. More. I'm totally going to go out & get the other two in the series this week. Then, last night, because I'm taking a break from my own book while my editors are reading it, I decided to start another little YA novel called Sweethearts by Sarah Zarr. Yea, I got totally sucked in and read the whole thing in about three hours, finishing it right before I went to bed (and completely ignoring my poor husband in the process- sorry, babe). I just could not put it down!

I don't want to get into too many details about it, but it's one of those books that really inspired me. I was a little bummed out by the ending (mainly because I'm a sucker for happy endings- and while this was basically happy, it still wasn't exactly what I wanted to happen). It was about the special childhood friendship between a girl and a boy who were both basically outcasts, teased and tormented every day at their school. Boy moves away, leaving girl to fend for herself, and she totally reinvents herself after a few years and a new school. Boy returns several years later and her past slaps her in the face- all the things she's tried so hard to forget come rushing back in.

I've often thought about writing a book about my experiences being bullied in grade school & then again in junior high. To be honest, I've blocked a lot of it out. I only remember that a few select kids decided just to not like me one day, and they made my life a living hell. I think that's why this book touched me so much. It's not something I really ever talk about- in fact, even writing it here is extremely difficult. I know a lot of kids go through this stuff and survive and turn out to be pretty awesome people. Some don't. I believe there were about four suicides at my old high school due to bullying over the past year or so. The reactions former classmates had to these suicides were somewhat interesting- a lot of people "can't remember high school being that bad". Um, yea, because you weren't on the receiving end of the bullying. But god...kids can be so ruthless. I can still recall the terror of stepping on to the bus in the morning, waiting for the relentless name calling to begin. The feeling of being so, so alone, without anyone to sit with at lunchtime. I didn't have a Cameron Quick for even a little while like Jennifer did in the story. I'd like to think that going through all that still made me a stronger person, but I'm not really sure that's true.

I am so, so blessed today to have an amazing group of friends, some of them still from high school. I would do anything for any one of them. I'm so blessed that after a few awful failed relationships, my heart was able to heal and I finally found my husband, my other half. The stuff I went through as a kid sometimes seems like ancient history, other times, when I'm feeling especially insecure, it's like it's still just simmering under the surface of my skin. Like Jennifer in the book, a lot of times I push all the bad memories away and struggle to appear confident and in control.

I didn't mean to get all heavy in this blog...but I do love when a book affects me like this. Regardless of whatever bad stuff it brought up, feeling inspired is always a good thing.