You know how getting into a super hot bath or shower almost hurts at first, and you have sort of eeeeease your way in, one toe at a time? But then once you're in, it's soothing and relaxing and just generally feels GOOD? That's how I feel the way my life has turned out.
The other night while frantically searching for my new camera's charger (we're leaving for vacation in two days and you can't possibly go on vacation without a camera, amirite??) I stumbled across an old journal from junior high and high school. If I have one word to describe my teen years, it is CONFUSED. Oy. I got completely sucked in to reading this thing, and hooo, let me tell ya. That was some good reading. I was alternating between laughing and cringing at myself for a good half hour. The junior high entries were less, shall I say, melodramatic, than the high school entries, but the common theme of confusion was woven throughout every page. I was confused about who I was, who I wanted to be, my relationships with my friends (not to mention any boy who might've crossed my path and shown any sort of interest in me whatsoever), my future and what I wanted from it...the list goes on and on.
I realize now that it really took me well into my twenties to just relax and be comfortable with who I am. I think I let the hot water sting me for way too long, but as I get old I no longer felt the need to impress people and change myself to conform and fit in. I am who I am, take it or leave it. And judging by the amazing friendships I have these days, there are several people out there who choose to take it. Including my sweet husband, who doesn't judge my sometimes dorky behavior but actually seems to love me for it.
This is not to say that I don't still display cringeworthy behavior from time to time. But now I'm much more able to laugh at myself and move on, rather than dwell for days, weeks, or even months on something. I just sink into that soothing hot water until only my face is left peering out, take a deep breath, and remember to be thankful for all I have.