Another teaser + ahh, the sweet smell of revisions!

Well, it's official.  I've completed writing the first draft of my third full-length novel.  It's crazy to think that just a few years ago, writing a book was just a lofty goal, a dream I had but didn't think I would ever accomplish.  Now I've written three.  Three!!

Granted, the first two didn't go anywhere.  I like to think they were my "test" novels.  They allowed me to work out some kinks, to try to find my voice and decide what kind of story I'd like to write.  I think they both still have potential and have some very good pieces in them, and maybe someday I'll go back and start them over.  But for now, it's time to move forward.

My third novel topped out at just over 75,000 words, which was my wordcount goal all along. Funny how that happens- I thought it might end earlier, around 70,000, but in the end, I needed to wrap up a few more things.  Before I pass it off to my lovely readers, I have some revisions I know I want to add in first.  I'm going to reread the whole thing and make the changes along the way, and then hand it off.  I'm not so concerned with grammar and punctuation stuff just yet, though.  I just want to make sure the story has all the elements I think it needs.

And so, I leave you with another snippet.  I'm not gonna set this one up at all, so just read it and enjoy it.  I mean, I hope you enjoy it...

I settle down on the stiff grass in the small graveyard, curling my feet under me.  There doesn’t seem to be anything to do but wait for Connor’s appearance.  I find myself wishing the sun would come out; it’s not that it’s cold here, but goose bumps spring up along my arms regardless.  It’s like the grayness sinks under my skin and chills me from the inside out.

I rest my chin on my hand and stare at the blank headstone.  Whose name will end up etched into that granite?  Shaking my head, I decide it will not be Connor’s.  I will not allow that to happen.

My ears feel stuffed with cotton.  Why are there no sounds here?  True, there is no breeze either, but being so close to these false woods I’d still expect to hear something coming from them.  Some sort of rustling in the brush nearby or bird wings flapping above, something.  The utter lack of movement makes it feel like the minutes here are dragging by, like time itself has forgotten how to move forward.

I wait.

And I wait.

And I wait. 

To pass the time, I braid and unbraid my hair.  I lie down, but I’m afraid to close my eyes in case I should miss Connor’s arrival.  I pace, first with my shoes on, then with them removed.  The grass beneath my feet should feel sharp and scratchy, but I barely feel it at all.  Along with my hearing, I feel my sense of touch also slipping away.  I run my hand along the headstone and my fingers are numb; I know I’m touching it but I don’t feel the coolness or the smoothness of the granite.  The longer I wait, the more I’m filled with an odd peaceful feeling, like when you first awaken from a good dream.

“Connor,” I whisper, looking up at the purple clouds rolling through the sky.  “Where are you?”

I can’t explain what happens, but I feel a gap in the silence after I speak.  There’s a rift in this place, something unsettled in the stagnant air.  I whirl around and see nothing, nothing but the endless gray landscape.

My eyes close in despair and I sink back down into the grass, pulling my legs into my chest and resting my forehead on my knees.  Where is he?  What if he doesn’t show up before Gabby calls me back?  What if I end up trapped here, alone in this timeless, silent place?

What if I’m too late? What if, back home, Connor is already dead? 

I’m so tired of crying, but I can’t stop an icy tear from slipping from my eye.  The thought that Connor might be dead fills me with horror, to think I might be missing any last moments with him because I’m trapped here in the space between.

“What are you doing here?”

My head whips up.  My ears are ringing from the sudden disturbance in the silence, but I see no one.  Did I imagine that voice?  That voice I know so well, the voice I hear in my dreams?

“I said, what are you doing here?”

I couldn’t have imagined it twice.  I get to my feet, shaking as I look around.  “Connor?” I say, my voice nothing more than a shrill, tiny squeak.

As if conjured by his name, he materializes in front of me, suddenly real and whole and here.  He’s wearing his favorite worn-in jeans, the ones I told him only a few weeks ago how much I love the way they hang on his hips, and a charcoal gray t-shirt, the shirt I’ve stolen from his room countless times.  No matter how long it’s been since he’s worn it, when I pull it on I feel his warmth and smell his soapy scent as if he’d taken it off five minutes earlier.  His feet are bare; Connor loves being barefoot.  He would walk around school barefoot in the dead of winter if he was allowed.  His hair seems longer, although it’s only been a few days and there is no way his hair could’ve grown in that time. 

What strikes me the most are his eyes.  Normally a sweet, chocolate brown, here they seem muddy, almost black in color.  They are not his eyes. 

“It’s you,” I breathe, taking a step closer despite the anxious feeling sliding down my spine at his eyes.

He holds his hands up in front of him, backing away. “How did you get here?” he asks, his voice low and husky.  And maybe…angry?

“Don't worry about that.  What’s important is I’m here, and I’m going to bring you back with me,” I explain, trying to ignore his cold stare. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

I swallow hard.  Gabby said he wouldn’t want to leave, that I would have to convince him it was for the best.  But the way he’s looking at me right now, almost like he’s filled with disgust at the sight of me, makes me think this is going to be a much harder task than I ever imagined it would be.

“Connor, listen to me,” I plead.  “I know what happened, um, was terrible but-“

“Who are you?” he asks, cutting me off.

I blink in confusion.  “It’s me.  Janie.”

He squints at me, crossing his arms in front of his chest.  He shakes his head.  “Sorry.  I don’t know anyone named Janie.”

My breath gets caught in my throat and I’m paralyzed with fear.  Of all the things I was expecting him to say, denying that he even knows who I am was not one of them.

“Now if you excuse me, I have things to do,” he says, ice dripping from his voice. “I don’t know how you got here, but I suggest you go back the way you came.”

“Connor!”  I cry, panicked.  “Wait!  Please!”  I cannot let him walk away from me.

But walk away is exactly what he does, disappearing without a backward glance my way.

Sharing is caring

Last night, I had one of those dreams that just stuck with me after my alarm rudely woke me up.  I can't stop thinking about it even now.

I was in a class or some sort of writers' group, and everyone had to read the first page or two of their most recent work in progress.  I was so excited to share mine, and I shuffled through my notebook to make a few revisions before it was my turn (sidenote: I have not handwritten a story in YEARS, but the one I was about to read from a battered, old notebook just like I wrote in in high school was my current WIP).

After listening to everyone's first pages, it was finally my turn.  I opened my notebook and to my surprise and horror, my story was gone.  It was like the pages got up and walked away.   And I knew I had just looked at them moments earlier! I frantically leafed through every page in my notebook, searched my bag and the floor around me, but it had just disappeared. 

And so, no one got to hear my story.  And I was devastated.

So, what does this dream mean?  Does it mean I should take better care of my WIP and how I share it with people?  Or, maybe it means the thought of NOT being able to share my stories with people would be the worst thing ever.  Hmm.

I have about two more chapters to write, by the way, until the first draft is complete.  It's already over 71,000 words, so I'll have hit my word count goal and then some.  Now just to tie up all the loose ends. In a way, finishing a first draft feels like saying goodbye to an old friend.  I've spent so much time with this story that it's almost hard to end it all.  What will I do with all my time now??

Well, revisions, of course.  And eventually, start the next one. :o)

small dreams

Geez, I've been meaning to write a blog post all week!  Somehow it just hasn't happened...whoops.

Well, since I've last posted I have officially finished my first round of revisions on Restless.  It will be in the hands of all my readers after this weekend....eeeeek!  It's always a little scary to get those notes back and hear what they think.  Not that anyone has ever been negative, but still.  When you spend so much of your life working on something, put so much of yourself into it, it can make the anticipation of getting feedback almost take your breath away. 

So, while they read I plan to keep busy, and the good thing is that the WIP is out of control.  Meaning, I'm writing like a fiend.  It's already over 5,100 words!  I have a good idea how this one is going to turn out, too.  I'm not a plotter by any stretch of the imagination, but I already know that if the way I'm writing it right now doesn't work out, I'll be able to somewhat easily manipulate it so it does make sense.  And none of this is probably making any sense at all because only a couple people have laid eyes on it so far...

Anyway, so I've been thinking a lot lately about how my life has really turned out so much differently from how I ever thought it would when I was a child.  Once upon a time, I was POSITIVE I would end up living in New York, dancing or acting.  Unfortunately, bad feet ultimately kept me from dancing- by my senior year of high school I knew it wasn't in the cards.  I always loved acting, too, but I also sort of fell out of that early on, except for a brief stint in summer community theater when I was 26, playing Bebe in A Chorus Line. 

So now, I'm keeping my dreams on the smaller side.  Writing is something I can easily do in my free time, it's something I feel like I'm getting better and better at the more I do it.  The key is being inspired by good books, I think, and that feeling I get when someone reads a passage I've written and tells me how much they've enjoyed it.  There's no better feeling than that.  Who knows if I'll ever end up published, but one thing is for sure- I'll never stop writing and sharing.  Never.

teaser part deux

I worked on revisions for a few hours on Sunday, and I'm happy to say that I am finally ALMOST DONE.  Yes, I am declaring that in SHOUTY CAPS.  LESS THAN FIFTY PAGES TO GO, HOOOOOORAY!

Of course, this is just the first round...I'll be interested to see what my readers think needs changed/added/removed, too.  I feel like I'm forgetting to add some stuff or something.  So feedback will be very, very necessary.

Anyway, to celebrate the fact that the first round of revisions is finally ALMOST DONE, I thought I would post another lil' tease for your reading enjoyment.  At least, I hope you enjoy it... 

A little set up: This scene happens right after Ella gets somewhat attacked by bad guy Max.  She and Riley are back at his house, trying to relax after a crazy night.  Riley slips into a flashback, which he often does around Ella, and then Anna's ghost shows up for a moment.  So yea, so much for relaxing. Oh, and it's from Riley's perspective this time- the story flip flops from Ella's to his throughout the story (I think I've mentioned that before). This is rated PG-13, kids, by the way.

Ella smiled at me.  “That’s such a pretty song.  The Beatles, right?”

“Yes.  My mother used to sing it to me.  Of course, it’s been said that it’s actually about an affair John Lennon was having, so probably not really too appropriate to sing to a child.  But my mother never really cared about being appropriate.”

“Tell me about your mom.  Is she beautiful?”

I pictured my mother, with her flowing, wavy, auburn hair and dark blue eyes, just like mine.  “Yes.  She’s very beautiful.  But she’s more than that.  To hear her sing...” I hesitated, trying to decide how to best describe my mother’s singing. “She sings like…like the world is about to end and her voice can save it.”

Ella cocked her head slightly to the side.  “I would love to hear her sometime.  I bet the two of you sound absolutely amazing together.”

I shrugged, setting down my guitar.  “Well, I wouldn’t know.  The last time I sang with her I was twelve, and my voice hadn’t changed yet.  It was pretty terrible, actually.”

Ella reached out for me, beckoning me to her.  “Someday we’ll go find her on the road.  Together.  And then you can join her band and I can be the groupie and we never have to come back to stupid Valley Springs.”

I eased down across from her on the bed, sliding my arms around her inside the comforter.  As though we were in a cocoon, she immediately snuggled in to me, sitting on my lap facing me, her legs wrapped around my waist.  That shimmering feeling began to work its way through my body as it always did when she was so near.  She hugged me close, so close, and we fit together as though we were making a mold, her heart pounding fiercely against my own.  “That sounds like a nice plan,” I said, nuzzling my lips against her ear. 

“Riley,” she whispered, shivering, her mouth on my neck.  “I-“

I didn’t hear her finish.

Her skin is warm against mine, her hair tickling my cheek as she lay quietly next to me, her head on my shoulder. I stroke the inside of her wrist with my thumb, marveling at how smooth her flesh is there, her pulse beating erratically.  She is trembling and I pull her even closer, pressing my lips against her temple.

“What is the matter, Anna?”

She is silent for a moment, gathering her thoughts.  “I just wish we could stay like this forever.  I wish this were our reality.”

We are in the storage room under the barn, lying amongst the sacks of flour, a rough blanket over us.  There is a chill in the air but I do not take notice of it; we have each other for warmth.  A lantern is dimly lit on a shelf, making shadows dance on the walls.  I am mesmerized by them until Anna speaks again, reminding me we cannot stay here much longer.

I pull her on top of me, my hands running down her back.  Her dark hair cascades around us like a waterfall.  “I am not ready to let you go yet,” I murmur, kissing her on each cheek.

“I do not want to go, my sweet Charlie.  But my absence will be noticed soon.”

“Soon, but not quite yet,” I say, my kisses trailing slowly to her neck, up behind her ear and back again.  “I love you so, Anna.”

“I love you so much I cannot bear it,” she replies, taking my face in her hands.  Her eyes search mine desperately, as if I hold the answers, as if there were something I could do to allow us more than just a few stolen moments like this.  My heart hurts and I cling to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her, even though we are already as close as we can possibly be.

Suddenly, there are footsteps above; heavy, thudding, angry steps. 

“Anna!  Where are you, girl?”

We both freeze, afraid to breathe, even though the trap door is sealed tightly above us.  No one could possibly know we are here.

The voice above curses and Anna lets out a tiny cry, clamping her hand over her mouth.  It is him.  We know that voice anywhere.

“I swear I saw her come this way, sir.”

“Was she with Watson?”

“No, sir.  She was alone. Perhaps she only stopped in to check on her horse.”

The voice cursed again.  “Well, she is not here now, is she?  Find her!  And do not return until you do so.”

Anna and I remain frozen until the footsteps disappear and we are certain he is gone.  Silently, she begins to untangle herself from me and reaches for her blue dress, crumpled in a heap next to her and-

“Riley!  Let go of me!  Riley!”

 My eyes focused slowly on Ella’s face, struggling to come back to the present tense.  Her features swam in and out of focus as I blinked hard, swirling from her face to Anna’s and back.

“Ease up, Riley.  You’re crushing all the air from my lungs,” she gasps, wriggling to get out of my grasp.

Realizing my arms were locked around her waist, gripping her tightly, I quickly let go and scooted backwards on the bed to allow some space in between us.  I still felt confused, my thoughts muddled and grainy.

She took a deep breath in through her mouth and let it out through her nose as she stared at me curiously.  She almost looked…annoyed.  No, she looked extremely annoyed.  Her expression was also that of disappointment and a bit of sadness, with a dash of anger thrown in for good measure.

“I am so sorry,” I said, raking my hand through my hair.

“What did you see?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against my pillows. 

“I-I-was with Anna.”  My cheeks burned furiously as I recalled what Anna and I- I mean, Anna and Charlie- had been doing.  “Someone interrupted us.  Ernest.”

Ella picked at her fingernail.  “Yeah, it was pretty obvious whatever was going on went from good to bad.”

“Did I-what did I say to you? Did I-touch you?”  I looked down at my hands, ashamed.

“I’m okay, Riley.  I know this comes with the territory.  It’s just-” she paused, biting her bottom lip.  She almost looked like she might cry.  “I just needed you tonight.  Just you.”

I moved across the bed and gathered her gently back into my arms.  She did not embrace me back.  “I am so sorry, Ella.  I did not mean for it to happen.”  I felt horrible, absolutely wretched.  She’d already had an awful night with what happened with Max, and I couldn’t even provide her comfort for a full twenty minutes.

“I know you didn’t,” she said softly, her forehead against my chest.  She laughed then, although the laugh had a tinge of bitterness to it.  “Is it sad that I’m jealous of a freaking ghost?”

At that precise moment, that familiar heaviness filled the air, sucking my breath from my lungs.  I looked up sharply, hoping Ella didn’t feel it as well.  Where was she?

“Tell me what I can do,” I said to her, my hand smoothing her hair as I tried to inconspicuously glance around the room.  There.  A dim, flickering light filled the corner behind my dresser, Ella’s back to it.  Anna slowly came in and out of focus, a sad look on her face.  She shook her head and placed her finger on her lips, then disappeared.  I still felt her presence lingering; she was not completely gone yet.

Fifty Shades of Meh

I started writing a new story, you guys!  I know, I know, there's that whole revising thing still going on for my last one, which I am also pretty dang excited about, but this new one...eeeeeeee!  It's only about a thousand words right now, and I have no idea how often I'll get to work on it, but the idea is there and I really like it.  It's another ghosty-type of story, but it'll be a lot different from the last one.  Very different concept, sort of along the lines of Gayle Forman's If I Stay (which you should read if you haven't.  Which reminds me, I still need to read the sequel, Where She Went.)  I already, like, have a title and everything for this one, and don't think it'll be changing- unlike my title my current WIP, which I might as well tell you I've changed from After the Dream to Restless.  Simpler, to the point, etc.  I likey.

I just finished reading another fabulous book by Jellicoe Road author, Melina Marchetta, called The Piper's Son.   Not quite as moving as JR, but holy crap do I love Melina Marchetta.  She just has a way of making you FEEL things the same way her characters are feeling them.  I didn't fall to pieces reading this one like I did with Jellicoe, but it was still so. good.  Check her out. 

And now, I'm currently reading the second book in that wildly popular Fifty Shades series.  I read the first one a few weeks ago and I was less than impressed.  I seriously do NOT understand the mass appeal of these books.  Sure, there are very saucy scenes, probably unlike anything most peeps have read I'm sure, but those scenes are not enough to make up for the terrible writing and weak storyline-  which is basically girl meets boy, boy is into dominant/submissive relationships, boy makes girl sign contract to have a "relationship" with him, girl still somehow falls in love with him regardless of his stalkery tendencies, etc.  I just didn't find it in any way believable.  But I suppose when I think about it, Twilight was completely unrealistic, too, and look how crazy people are for that series.  The second book so far has been a bit of a snoozefest for me, too, but I feel like I need to keep reading it to try to understand the appeal.

Or maybe I'm just jealous the Fifty Shades author had so much success with her first series of books EVER. 

Hmph.

life gets in the way...

Life is getting in the way of my revisions.  Like, for reals.  Lately, by the time I sit down at night all I want to do is turn my brain OFF.  Cranking up the lap top and being creative for an hour or two just hasn't been at the top of my list.  And that, my friends, sucks big time.  And it needs to change.  I am truly excited to get it done, get it to my readers, and await their revisions and comments.  So why the procrastination?

My theory is that I'm way more proud of this novel than my first one- and I was hella proud of that one.  Just being able to say I FINISHED IT was amazing.  I mean, I wrote a book.  One of my lifelong goals was complete.  Well, minus the whole getting-it-published thing.  But with this one...this one I feel personally attached to.  I've spend the past year and a half reading virtually nothing by YA novels and learning, learning, learning from them.  I've absorbed so much from my favorite authors and want more than anything to be a part of their community.  So this time, I'm afraid the rejections that will inevitably come pouring in will sting a lot more. 

So, perhaps somewhat unconsciously, I'm putting off finishing it?  Totally possible, I guess.

Anyway, I'm just under 100 pages into revisions, which means I'm halfway done.  I'm hoping the second half goes a bit faster than the first, but I also know there's a lot to be cleaned up and added in that second half.

Sorry about the lack of blogging lately, too...I'm going to try to be better, I promise!

Running Envy

I'm not going to lie: I'm totally jealous of people who can easily run a few miles.  If you're one of those people I see effortlessly jogging along down the street, barely sweating or breathing heavily, I sort of hate you.

I don't know why I decided to put myself through the torture of attempting to run again.  While I've, ahem, "let myself go" a bit these past few months, I still consider myself in fairly decent physical shape.  However, nothing makes me doubt that more than when I hit the treadmill or the neighborhood streets for my walking/running intervals.  I keep up a brisk walking pace without an issue, but when the voice in my ears prompts "RUN NOW" (I'm using the Couch to 5K program as a guide for now, but I'm stuck on week 2), I want to pass out and die after roughly 30 seconds.  Seriously, why??  What is it about running that kills me??

Granted, I'm only getting out there about twice a week at best right now, but still, after about a month of this I would've thought I'd be getting better at it.  Not. So. Much.  Maybe I should just stick to spinning or pilates.  Sigh.

Anyway, in writing news, I did manage to pound out a few revisions this past weekend, so I'm on my way.  Revisions are the worst though, truly.  I never feel completely DONE.  Like, there's always a way to go back and make it even better.

I also wanted to say thanks to those of you who take a few minutes to read my ramblings.  It's always the best feeling in the world when someone tells me they've read something I wrote and enjoyed it.  The BEST feeling.  So, thanks!!

It's Oh So Quiet...

Hmm.  Perhaps I'll just starting using song titles for all my blog posts...now I totally have that Bjork song in my head...

Anyway, I feel like I've been on the quiet side lately, social media-wise and all.  Hardly any blogs, tweets or status updates...I don't know.  I'm just not feeling it right now.  Sometimes the world doesn't need to know your every thought and move, right? 

Well, plus I also just haven't done anything worth posting about.  So there's that.  Borrrrrr-ring.

I did manage to get through a few pages of revisions last week.  I hated the beginning of the story- way too much background info right up front- so I cut a ton of stuff out and now need to figure out where to move it to within the bulk of the story.  I know I also need to develop a couple characters a lot further- one of them being Anna, the ghost, who I added in my first revision.  The other is Max, a secondary character who needs to play more of a role due to how I decided to end the story.  So that'll take some work.  And when I start, I know I'm going to want a few good solid hours to devote to it.  I have a mini-spring break coming up next week, so hopefully I'll pound out several chapters' worth of revisions then.

For now, back to the quiet.  Sometimes, I think you can hear a lot more when you just sit and listen to the silence.

THIS CLOSE

As the title of this post suggests, I am THIS CLOSE to wrapping up my first draft of After the Dream.  So close I can taste it, sweet like chocolate after a long, rough day. 

I actually almost finished it last night, but after steadily writing for about three hours I was spent.  And it was getting late, and I have learned I need to turn my brain off before I can actually fall asleep.  This means turning off the laptop at least an hour before I plan to go to bed. 

It didn't matter last night, though.  Even though I shut down over an hour before we headed upstairs, my mind was still filled with ideas for the final few pages, as well as all the revisions I plan on doing.  Like, I'm not even letting my readers take a look at it til I go through and revise on my own first, because I know there's a lot I need to add to tighten up the story, add to the conflict, etc.

In addition to writing almost 3,200 words yesterday (!!), I also mapped out some more family tree stuff.  I had to in order to figure out what the hell I was doing.  I had papers and notes everywhere.  I think it makes sense now...but I'll need my readers to tell me for sure.  If it's too complicated then it just won't work.  I'm not out to confuse people, but to entertain and intrigue them! 

Also, today is the day I'm supposed to have a phone call with the guy from the publishing company.  I'm not holding my breath, but we'll see what happens.  I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to say to the guy, considering ATD is not even close to being ready for submission yet.  And if this really is a "pay to publish" kind of deal, well then, no thanks.  I'll post an update about the call later this week (if it actually happens).

Here's to completing crappy first drafts!

(insert sad trombone)

I don't have much to report this week writing-wise.  Last week was another insanely busy week, and I only managed to get just around 600 words down, bringing my total word count to just over 71k.  BUT (yes, this is a big BUT), the good news is I'm pretty sure those 600 words were my second-to-last chapter (yes, a very short chapter).  So that means all I have left to write is the last chapter!  And I think that's part of why I'm okay with the fact that I didn't get to write much this weekend.  Cuz a couple more hourly sessions and the story should be finished! 

Well, the rough, ugly first draft anyway.

So I've been toying with some ideas for this last chapter.  Well, there may be one more little short one after it, but all the closure will happen in this one.  The story switches viewpoints throughout, so I'm thinking maybe the final chapter will be told from each viewpoint, instead of just Riley or Ella's.  It's going to be pretty fast-paced; meaning all the shit is going to hit the fan pretty quickly. I just need to wrap my head around how it's all going to go down.  Of course, I probably won't actually know til I sit down to write it.  Cuz that's how I seem to roll.  I can plan where the story is going, but ultimately I don't really know til I start typing away. 

I'm excited to finish this one, though. I think it's really got some potential, if I can clean it up and tighten it up and stuff.  Ah, revisions.  How I'm both dreading and looking forward to you at the same time.

In other news, holy crap you guys, it's already like, the end of February!  I can almost smell the fresh spring air and see the flowers bursting out of the ground.  Spring seems like an appropriate time to work on revisions, doesn't it?  The world is waking up, being reborn into something beautiful, and hopefully my story will, too.

So close...

So, last week ended up being a hell of a lot crazier than it should've been.  I can't even remember what I did on Monday night, but Tuesday I ended up at a car dealership until almost 8 pm, and I unexpectedly drove home a shiny new car that night.  Totally spur of the moment; my lease wasn't up until September but thanks to some crazy deals I got the updated version of my car with some fun new features and I'm paying $20 less per month.  Crazy, right??  Anyway, then Wednesday I had to head back to the car dealership after work to pick up my garage door opener I'd left behind in the old car (dooops) and drop off my old spare key, and Thursday I hosted the girly night...so basically, what I'm trying to say is that writing was on the backburner last week.  Until Friday, when I thankfully took a mental health day and was able to plug away at the WIP a bit.  I also managed to squeeze in some time on Sunday, so when all was said and done, the week was not a total wash:

Total Words Written: 2,385
Total Hours Spent Writing: 2.5 hours

Total Word Count Overall: 70,872

That's not so bad, huh?  I mean, I know I've been consistently under the 3,000 word mark, but eh.  I'm still happy with how the story is progressing.

That being said, I'm actually allllllllmost done.  I think there will be two, maybe three, more chapters to go and then the rough, rough first draft will be complete.  I already know the revision process is going to be a beast and a half on this one.  I flat out hate the beginning (again) and I really want to add a bit more "oomph" to certain spots.  I've been revising a bit here and there as I go, mainly because I think of things, write them down, and just want to get them added before I get ahead of myself.  So anyway, at this rate, now I'm thinking it might end up just under 80,000 words.  Which is sort of funny, because originally I thought it would go on longer. 

Just goes to show that the story is in control, not me.

I want more

A thought struck me the other day, probably a result of reading two books in a row that really stuck with me (John Green's The Fault in our Stars, which I know I haven't shut up about in three weeks, and then Maggie Stiefvater's The Scorpio Races, which made me want to go out and learn how to ride a horse even though I would die from my allergies to them. But hmm, maybe I wouldn't be allergic to waters horses?  Worth a shot).

So what I decided this weekend was this:  In the end, I just want to write a book that matters.  At least a little bit.  At least to one person.

When I first set out to write a book, I just wanted to tell a story, nothing heavy or serious, just something to help someone escape for a little while. 

But now I want more. 

I still want the first part- reading is all about escapism, after all.  But now I want my words to resonate with people.  For my characters to stay with them long after they've finished the book.  For it to make them think and feel.

Some of this also may have stemmed from the fact that I reread certain parts of the WIP last week and realized how far away I am from the story being done.  Not word count-wise, obviously, but in adding more to it, giving it more "oomph", if you will.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still proud of how far I've come with this one and I still think it has real potential.  And I plan on making it so much prettier when I set out and start revising it for real.

I just want it to be...more.  If that makes sense.

Sigh.  All day today I've felt like I am battling a case of the Mondays.

Anyway, I probably could've written a bit more last week, but a few revisions knocking around in the ol' noggin were demanding to be let out so I spent some time going back and adding in a few things here and there.  I still did pretty well though:

Total Words Written: 2,846
Total Hours Spent Writing: 4 hours

Total Word Count Overall: 68,487

It's good to be inspired.  And that's what all these amazing authors do- inspire me.  With every great book I read, I just become more and more antsy to reach my own goals, to get my own words out there into the world.

I hope someday it'll happen. 

My 2012 Reading/Writing Goals

Happy New Year, kids!  I can't believe how fast 2011 came and went...along with my goals for the year.  Yikes.  So, remember when I thought I'd have my WIP done before the holidays? And how I hoped to get some bites on In My Mind's Eye?  Yea, well.  Hmph.

But a full, new, bright and shiny year looms ahead!  And I'm super excited to embrace it and get moving on my goals.  That's right- goals, not resolutions.  I guess they're sort of the same thing, but "goals" just sounds more motivating to me.  Probably because I don't think I've ever actually kept a resolution.  Like, ever.

That being said, I recently entered the Goodreads 2012 Reading Challenge.  I made my goal for the year 75 books- that's like a book & a half a week, so it should be no problem for me.  Granted, last year I only read about 40, but I have higher expectations for 2012.  I also have TON of good books I want to read.  Like, a TON.  A whole stack of books at home, and well over 200 on my to-read list.  So I'm ready!!!  BRING IT.

As far as my writing goals, well, we all know the ultimate goal is to nab an agent and get published.  The WIP is starting to come along again- over my holiday break I was able to get down around 3000 words.  I'm keeping my weekly word count goal the same as last year- well, the same as it was before I got completely sidetracked by revisions and the holidays- which is 3000.  Now that we're entering the long, cold days of winter I should have plenty of time to sit on my ass and write.  If I can maintain the 3000 words per week goal, I should have it finished (or at around 80,000 words) by mid-March.  That seems pretty doable.

Here's to a new year full of endless possibilities!!

Finally!

Despite a pretty massive hangover yesterday from a super fun night out Saturday, I actually managed to finish my revisions!  I know, hallefreakinglujah, right??  Now I can finally move on with the story!!  I actually did just that yesterday, too, although I only wrote about 500 words or so.  But I'm over 50K words now!  Progress is good, yes indeed.

I'm thinking when the book is done it's going to be a bit longer than 80k...and I'm saying that because I feel like there's still a lot more I need to get into.  I feel like I've only scratched the surface of the story so far, but who knows.  Maybe the second half will wrap itself up a bit quicker than I think it will.  I know the direction I'm going in in general, but to be honest, I'm never quite sure what's going to happen when I sit down to write.  I guess I'd rather have "too many" words than not enough, although cutting stuff out is going to be difficult!  But I think I can already sense some of the stuff that will have to go...eh, we'll see.

Happy Monday!  It's a short week, HOORAY!

So close, but yet...

Wow.  Where did last week go?  I suppose I can blame it on the time of year...the holidays are coming and schedules just start to get busier and busier until you no longer know up from down and right from left.  So, part of that is true.  I did a lot of random running around last week, went to the gym, hosted the girls for our weekly Thursday TVD night, etc.  What I'm trying to say is I ended up being a bit of a slacker revision-wise last week. 

But I really am SO CLOSE to being done!!  I think I have 2 full chapters left, along with a little bit of the last one I started.  I really am excited to move on with it, too, now that I have where it's going framed out a bit more.  This week should be a little less hectic, so I should finish those last two chapters no problem.  And the one I'm on now is one of my favorites that I've written so far, so I'm sure I'll get through it nice and quick.

In non-writing news, last night- on a school night, no less- Debbie and I made the trek down to Columbus to see The Airborne Toxic Event.  What an amazing show, you guys.  That whole band is so ridiculously full of talent and they would've totally knocked my socks off had I been wearing socks.  All I know is they made the long drive and lack of sleep totally worth it!  I'm so glad we decided last minute to go, and I hope they come back around soon.

So on that note, here's the video of one of my favorite songs off their new album.  It's called "All I Ever Wanted" and is ah-may-zing.  Violin!  Stand up bass!  And not to mention some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard:

"I could tell you that you're all I've ever wanted dear
Through the din of your breathing while you're sleeping here
You wake and you ask me if I'm gonna be here forever
    Forever
         Forever
Your face all twisted and your eyes alight
I wanna tell you I can change it when you cry at night
But I'd be lying...
Love is defying"

I wanna be able to write like that.  For reals.

Ready to move on...well, almost

In writing news, thanks to a day off and a pretty low key weekend, I was able to get a bunch of revisions done over the past few days.  It's funny how I'll hit a chapter and be like, oh this one will be easy, there's not much to change here...and then I inevitably realize there are a LOT of things to change.  And at this point I'm not even going through and really cleaning up paragraphs and tightening things up, I'm just making the necessary changes to keep the story moving in the new direction.  But regardless, I am hoping to have all those nasty changes made by this coming weekend. I think I only have about 12k more words til I'm where I left off.  And then, my friends, I will be putting myself back on my weekly word count goal of 3000 words per week.

In life news, I just got back from the hospital where I had a CT scan done on my face.  Ok, well, my nasal cavities, if you want to get specific- it's just easier to say my face.  This past year I've been stricken with at least 3 sinus infections, maybe 4, and for someone who up until 3 years ago NEVER had a sinus infection in her whole life, this is pretty odd.  So my ENT doctor ordered the CT scan to see what else might be going on, besides the fact that I have a slightly crooked right nasal passage.  Now we just wait for the results.  And I hope they find something, cuz I seriously cannot keep going on antibiotics every couple months!  It would just be nice to, you know, breathe normally.

In other writing news, November is actually National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. Basically the idea is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.  If I wasn't already over halfway into my WIP, I totally would've joined this.  But since the WIP is already over 48,000 words, I think I would've been cheating a little bit.  Haha.  And I definitely couldn't handle starting a new project while trying to continue working on this one...and this one is too important to stop working on right now.  Definitely something to think about though for next year...I do enjoy a good challenge!

beginning the beginning again...and again...

My readers are probably already completely sick to death of my first two chapters.  I know I certainly am, anyway.  I think I rewrote the first chapter at least three times last week and sent it off for them to read each time.  And each time, I wasn't completely 100% happy with it.  I'm still not sure I am, and I rewrote it one last time yesterday- well, not entirely.  I fixed the transition part that was bothering one of the readers, mostly.  But I did add in a whole new first chapter that's only about 1/3 of a page long.  The book starts from a different perspective now.  Late on Friday night an idea arose that perhaps I should add a few random chapters from Anna's point of view.  Might be an interesting little twist, no?  Her chapters won't be anywhere near as long as Riley or Ella's, just little snippets here and there.  I really like this idea the more I think about it, too.  Thoughts, anyone?

I think I'm done editing through chapter 7 at this point, too.  I know the word count was just over 16k when I finished up last night, so I'm about a third of the way through.  I'm trying not to nitpick too much at this point and just fix the parts that have changed slightly since all my new ideas came about.  The major editing will be done when the book is complete, and hopefully I can still manage to finish up the first draft by the holidays.  But we'll see- I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself.

I don't know why I have such a difficult time writing the opening pages!  Seriously.  I went through this exact same dilemma with IMME, ultimately scrapping the entire beginning and starting completely fresh.  I've already done that with this WIP for the most part, too.  I'm a lot more satisfied now than I was after the first rewrite, so hopefully after a few more edits it'll all fall into place.

In life news, today is me and Dan's 8th anniversary of being together.  It's crazy to me to think we've been together for so long!  But really, the time has flown by.  We've been through a lot together already and I look forward to what else life has to throw at us.  Hopefully all good stuff from here on out.  :o)

here we go again

Well, I don't have a specific word count goal to tell you about this morning.  If you read my last post, you know that instead of moving forward, at this point I actually need to go back and do some major editing/rewriting before I keep going.  Which, ugh.  It's for the greater good, I know this, but it just stinks to have to start all over again regardless.

But start over I did.  Last night I rewrote the first two chapters- not completely, but I took things from the current first and second chapters and rearranged them, added some new stuff, etc.  Also,the story now starts from Riley's perspective instead of Ella's.  I thought that made a little more sense, seeing as how Riley is more the "main" character, being the one haunted by Anna.  I'm going to toss these two chapters off to my readers and see what they think.  I want to make sure how it starts now makes sense before I move on- god forbid I have to start over yet again.  And I know the first ten pages are the most important pages of the book- if you don't "hook" your readers immediately, forget it.  Why would they keep reading it they aren't interested in the characters and the story right off the bat? But anyway, I'm excited all over again for this one and can't wait to keep going with the edits.  And I can't honestly believe I just said that...but it's true!

So it was a productive weekend, even though I'm still sort of under the weather.  I just can't seem to kick this bug I've had for three weeks now, so I guess it's time to finally make a doctor appointment.  We finished the remodel on our laundry room- and I was reminded yet again how much I despise painting- I cleaned the whole house from top to bottom, did a bunch of ironing, cooked a huge pot of pulled pork...ah, how I enjoy being domestic from time to time.

Hopefully before I know it I'll be back to keeping tracking of my weekly word count goals...but for now, back to revisions I go!

Back to the drawing board...square one...whatever...

Sorry for the cliches in the blog title, but it's early, it's rainy and gloomy, and I haven't had nearly enough coffee yet to come up with something witty. 

Anyway, yesterday one of my readers, my cousin Cleen, asked me for more of my story.  I'd written about 20 pages since she'd last read it, so I went ahead and sent it over to her.  But with it I sent questions, asking her what she thought about certain things.  I also asked her what questions SHE had- what sort of stuff was nagging at her as she read?  What did SHE think was going to happen, what did she want to happen, what was she dying for answers to?  It was the first time I ever really asked a reader these types of questions, but I'm not going to lie, here- I needed input.  I was starting to feel confused myself, not sure where I was going with the story (I think I mentioned that before, too).  I needed someone else's perspective on it to re-spark my ideas.

And it worked.

After going back and forth over numerous emails, I had a major breakthrough.  Like, for reals.  I now know EXACTLY what Anna's motivation is, why she's haunting Riley.  The entire story was basically based on this haunting, but until yesterday, I honestly wasn't sure why the hell Anna was bugging Riley in the first place.  I knew she wanted him to find out how and why she died for real, but I was never certain why she did, in fact, die- or what Riley was supposed to learn from it.  Now I do. I still have a few details to figure out, but I know those will come as I write it.  I jotted down a ton of notes and ideas last night, and I can't wait to start implementing them into the story.

Which brings me to the conclusion that I cannot move forward with it until I make those revisions.  I mean, I'd always planned on re-writing the beginning a bit, starting it a little further along into the story, but I planned on going back and doing that when I was completely done writing it.  Now, however, I think I need to rewrite it sooner than later.  There are a few other things I need to add in or swap around, too. 

I'm not sure where these edits will leave me wordcount-wise.  But I know the changes will definitely help push the story along in the right direction.  So as annoying as it will be to sort of start over, I'm even more excited now about this story as a whole.  I think there will be some surprises and twists that people might not be expecting...

For now, though, I just need more coffee.